Looking Through Spindles by Francis DiClemente

Woken up by another fight

in the middle of the night.

I climb out of bed and clutch

the white balusters at the top of the stairs

as harsh words fly behind walls

too thin to hold my parents’ rage.

My sister creeps out of her room,

shrugs her shoulders

and moves toward me in the hallway,

passing the door to the master bedroom.

She sits down next to me

and whispers, “What happened now?”

“I don’t know,” I say.

And we listen for clues, trying to determine

the cause of our parents’ latest fight.

Did Dad come to bed drunk

and make advances on our mother?

Did he get fed up with her frigidity

and press himself on her?

Did she recoil and scratch his eyes?

But we hear no violent action

on the other side of the white door—

only voices laced with acrimony.

And we remain seated on the stairs,

exhausted but unable to fall back asleep.

Zooming out—I see those siblings

in a Polaroid image, sealed under a plastic sheet

in a leather-bound photo album.

And as the adult looking back,

breaking the fourth wall,

I wonder why this memory pricks my brain

when so many others would illuminate my parents’

kindness, decency and exemplary work ethic.

Why, when I could have chosen from

a plethora of positive scenarios,

does this one seize my attention,

demanding to be chronicled?

My mother and father are both dead

and can’t defend their actions.

And I feel riddled with guilt

for tarnishing their memories.

I also understand truth

doesn’t always tell the full story.

My conscious obligates me to explain that

Mom and Dad weren’t perfect,

but they loved us and endured sacrifices

to make our lives a little better.

And while that’s a weak way to end a poem,

the wider perspective allows me to

forgive my mother and father for being human—

for being real people and not just my parents.

Author Bio: Francis DiClemente is the author of six poetry collections, most recently Outward Arrangements: Poems (2021). He lives in Syracuse, New York, and his blog can be found at francisdiclemente.com.

Here's the link to his latest collection: https://amzn.to/3urXa9C

Twitter: @FranDiClem